A Part Of Me: Page 12

  “OK, we’ll talk later.”

  When I hung up, I thought about Sarah’s offer. If Michael comes home early a few days and my mom helps out a bit, and Natalie is free, then maybe I could go. It really was an opportunity to go on my own for a change, without Michael or the kids. I liked the idea of having a vacation, just us girls. I wouldn’t be able to travel in a few months, so I decided to talk to Michael about it that very evening. Good thing we already sold our smaller apartment and bought a bigger one. This time, I didn’t have any excuses why I couldn’t go away.

  Michael was all for it, after I promised someone would help him with the kids and that I’d buy him a lot of cool shirts for work. Apparently, bribes worked on big boys too.

  Chapter 31

  “Do you, by any chance, know someone in the army?” I asked Michael while the kids chased one another around the table.

  “Why? Are you looking to enlist?” Michael smiled and picked up his coffee mug from the table, after Ariel almost dropped it when she chased Adam with a sword.

  “Very funny. Tommy called mom and told her they were giving him a hard time.” Ariel hit me on the head with the sword, so I took it away from her.

  “In basic training camp?” I could barely hear Michael because Ariel started screaming and Adam ran into the other room.

  “Yes. They keep intimidating him, teasing him and kicking his things. It’s a real nightmare. He told his officers but they won’t do anything about it,” I said loudly, trying to speak over Ariel shrieking.

  “I’m not surprised.” Michael said and gave her the sword back so she would stop screaming. She smiled with victory at me and ran out of the living room.

  “Is there something we can do about it? Mom is so worried it keeps her up at night.” I wanted to use the few quiet moments we had to ourselves. “Is there someone we can talk to?”

  “Maybe, but by the time they take care of it, he’ll be done with his training,” Michael said, and was probably right. “He just needs to man up and get through it.”

  “It’s easy for you to speak, you’re a giant. Who would want to mess with you? He’s a gentle boy, not a bully. He told mom that he is the smallest guy there, which is why they pick on him.”

  “Mom!” Adam yelled from the bathroom, “Ariel is doing pee pee on the floor!”

  Michael and I ran to her and saw Ariel standing by the toilet, with her pants pulled down, trying to pee pee standing up.

  “Why are you doing that?” Michael asked and picked her up from the puddle she was standing in, then put her in the bathtub.

  “Pee pee like Adam!” she said proudly, and I went looking for the mop.

  Chapter 32

  It turned out to be a project like no other. For every day I was gone, there was a meticulously detailed daily schedule. Everyone was assigned a part and had to confirm they knew it. Natalie and mom split shifts and Gabi was also on standby, because he had started a new job that week.

  I left for the flight at night and promised the kids I would bring them lots of presents. Ariel said she wanted dresses. It was a good thing I packed lightly. I felt like I was running away from home, running to my freedom.

  Sarah came on time and the flight was great (with several bathroom breaks). My baby bump helped cut all the lines short. In England, they respected pregnant women. On our first day we mostly walked around and, in the evening, saw an insanely hilarious show. Every evening, we ate at a different restaurant that Sarah heard good reviews about, and generally, I was in a euphoric state, which I haven’t felt in a long time. Having the freedom to wake up on my own, to eat when I was hungry and go wherever I wanted was intoxicating. The thought of having to go back depressed me (I really did miss the kids, but I was willing to stay longer).

  “Shopping time,” Sarah posted a picture of us carrying shopping bags while resting at a café before our next Oxford street take-over. I had a slight feeling this post would urge Michael to put in a few more hours at the office.

  I used this time to call mom.

  “The kids are wonderful, absolutely amazing,” she said proudly.

  “That’s great,” I said, and thought how I wished they were so well-behaved with me.

  “And, how are you girls? Having fun?”

  “Yes, we’re having a great time. But it’s freezing outside, we have to wear gloves and a hat.”

  “Good thing the shops are warm,” she laughed. “I wanted to let you know I asked Natalie to replace me tomorrow because I have a CT scan at 5 P.M., and I can’t pick up the kids.”

  “Why are you having a CT scan?” I couldn’t remember there being a reason for such an urgent scan.

  “Do you remember I told you I was struggling to raise my arm? So, the doctor sent me to have a head CT.” I didn’t understand how her head had anything to do with it. “But it’s just to be on the safe side, there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “Ok, keep me posted.” I hung up and felt how something started weighing on my chest.

  We kept walking around the shops, Sarah, me and my aching chest.

  ***

  The next day mom didn’t pick up her phone. I called over and over again, but kept going to voicemail. Michael said he hasn’t heard anything and Natalie said the “the kids are awesome, so sweet!”

  I checked the time; it was already 9 P.M. in Israel. She must have finished by now.

  After an hour I called Gabi. He answered right away.

  “Hey, what’s going on?”

  “Hi Shirley, are you having fun?”

  “Everything is great. What’s going on with mom?”

  “I’m here with her, and everything is fine,” but something about his voice wasn’t right.

  “Should I call you later? So we can talk?” I thought I figured out what that voice meant.

  “Yes, that would be great. We’ll talk.”

  Gabi hung up. I couldn’t go shopping anymore and went back to our hotel. Sarah kept walking around. She knew every corner in the city from her time as a stewardess, she was the best partner for a trip like this.

  “What’s going on Gabi, I’m losing my mind here,” I told him when he called.

  “Mom doesn’t want you to know because she doesn’t want to ruin your vacation.”

  “Know what?” I was yelling by now, although I knew it wasn’t his fault.

  “They found something on the CT scan, some finding in her head. They’re having an urgent MRI tomorrow.”

  I was at loss of words and the only thing I could say was, “what?”

  “Don’t tell her anything. She can’t know that you know.”

  “Ok, I’ll check with the airline when’s the earliest flight back and I’ll come home as soon as possible.”

  “No need. We’ll know more only after the MRI, which will be only tomorrow night. And then it’ll take time before the doctor gets the results. We’re trying to schedule an appointment at the Jerusalem medical center, with a neurosurgeon Eric knows.” Gabi’s brother always knew all the important people, even doctors.

  “OK, in any case, I’ll check when the next flight leaves.”

  “It’s really unnecessary, but do as you please.” I think that’s what parents say when they realize they can’t change their children’s decisions.

  “OK, I’ll keep you posted.”

  I hung up and simply burst into tears. I was glad to be alone at that moment. I couldn’t believe this nightmare was starting all over again. Mom kept saying that if it would come back, she wouldn’t survive it. And here, it’s back. All these terrible thoughts kept passing through my mind. I tried imagining a day without her and couldn’t.

  I got into the shower to calm down, and when I came out, I decided to start taking care of things. First, I called Michael and told him everything. I asked him to switch shifts with my mother and not tell anyon
e anything. Then I called the airline and got a flight one day earlier. I didn’t want to stay here, but coming back the next day wasn’t good either. I obviously wouldn’t have time to process it at home. I preferred to have another day for myself, to cry and be mad at the world for a little while. I deserved it too.

  When Sarah came back, I told her everything. We simply sat in silence, hugging one another, and in the evening, instead of going to a restaurant, Sarah brought us some take out. This time, she didn’t even bother saying I had nothing to worry about, or that things were going to be fine.

  I spent my last day filling my guilt-ridden suitcase with clothes and toys for the kids.

  Chapter 33

  I came back home, hugged Michael and the kids, and left immediately to see mom. I left Michael with the big suitcase of presents for him to hand out, because that was what the kids actually cared about.

  As he did every evening, Gabi sat in the living room with a glass of whiskey, while listening to some intellectual discussion about yet another political corruption scandal. Mom was watching TV in bed. I took my shoes off and lied next to her.

  “How was it?” she asked and tried to squeeze out a smile.

  “It was wonderful. I bought a lot of clothes for the kids.”

  We hugged and I didn’t know what to say.

  “I know that Gabi told you.” She looked so fragile and terrified.

  “When is your appointment with the neurologist?”

  “Sunday morning.”

  “It’s going to be fine, mom. We’ll get this tumor out and everything will be fine. Do you want me to come with you? I can take another day off.”

  “No need. Gabi will be there.”

  “Ok. What about Tommy and Jonathan? Do they know?”

  “Sure, we told them right after the MRI.”

  “I’ll talk to them, too.”

  “Thank you, sweetie. I’m happy you had some free time and enjoyed your vacation. You deserve some time off. Soon you’ll be very busy again.” She placed her hand on my tummy and left it there.

  “What’s the deal? Every time I get pregnant you get cancer. That’s it. I’m not having any more children.” Mom smiled. “You know how they say that bad things happen to good people? So maybe you should like rob a bank? That would make things better.”

  “You always cheer me up,” she said with a smile, kissed my forehead gently and slowly got out of bed.

  That moment, I realized what job I should take on – cheering her up. Making sure she’s always happy and laughing. The question was, how would I do that?

  “I can’t believe I have to give up my ski vacation. I was really looking forward to it. Do you think they’ll give us a refund?” I couldn’t believe this is what bothered her.

  “Sure, tell them that you’re cancelling because of a brain tumor. What would they even say?”

  She laughed. “You’re right. Now I can get away with anything.”

  ***

  “I can’t believe it’s happening again,” I told Michael while we were in bed. “of all people, my mom needs to get this cancer again? It’s so unfair.”

  “Other people have troubles too, but you’re right, it’s frustrating and unfair.”

  “She has a very slim chances to none, to get out of this. And they don’t even know if they can operate. And I don’t even understand if it’s a new cancer or if it has something to do with her ovaries. How does her brain have anything to do with her ovaries?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “I also can’t figure out how they didn’t find it sooner. From what Gabi told me, it’s been there for a while. Why didn’t they check her head? No one said anything about her head. I just don’t get it.” Michael didn’t answer.

  We kept laying there in silence. I didn’t know what he was thinking about, but I was mostly thinking about our children who had to face this. Perhaps, I was also feeling sorry for myself. I decided to talk to Jonathan the next day and make sure he was aware of what was going on. During my previous pregnancy, I tried staying away from hospitals, as much as I could, but this time I knew that I wanted to be with mom as much as possible and didn’t care what she had to say about it. This time, she won’t get rid of me so easily.

  That night went by as slowly as the scary nights I used to have when mom and Gabi went out when I was a child. I used to be afraid that something might happen to her and I would be left alone. I wouldn’t fall asleep before hearing her heels tap around the house. If I felt I couldn’t stay awake I would purposely fall asleep in the living room so Gabi would carry me to bed. That’s how I knew they came back and everything was fine. I feel uncomfortable admitting that I kept doing this until I was too old for Gabi to pick me up. He had to wake me up and send me to my room. And now I was scared in my bed again, scared of losing mom, once again.

  Chapter 34

  I came to work on Sunday with a box of chocolates and everyone asked about what we ate, what we did, and mostly what we bought. I decided not to overburden anyone, and told only Anna and Alice about mom.

  At noon I went to the National archives, to track down some data about the Workers Unions in the 1920’s for Alice’s PhD research. I was mostly happy for the opportunity to be alone before I get back to my usual afternoon with the kids. The archive had a musky smell, and the old AC was as loud as a truck. While I opened an old moldy file, filled with pictures and old letters, my phone vibrated on the table. Mom probably finished her meeting.

  I left everything on the table and went outside to talk to her.

  “What did they say?”

  “They said that they need to operate, but they’re not sure if they can. They scheduled another MRI for next week because they want to have their own tests.”

  “OK, I want us to get a second opinion. It seems pointless waiting another week and then making a decision.”

  “Where will I find someone on such a short notice? I got this appointment fast thanks to Eric’s contacts.”

  “I’ll talk to Alice, she told me that she had a friend who was married to a neurologist.”

  “Try whatever you can. Thank you, sweetie.”

  I hung up and called Alice straight away. That very day, we scheduled an appointment with the head of neurology at the Tel Aviv Medical Center before 8 A.M .the next morning– it doesn’t get any better.

  ***

  “I felt like a celebrity,” mom told me after her appointment with Alice’s friend. “They greeted us so nicely and treated me so well.”

  “That’s wonderful. What did he say?” I gathered some of the pages scattered across the table.

  “On Saturday I’ll be hospitalized and Sunday morning they’ll operate. He says he can remove the tumor and then take a biopsy.”

  “Great,” I felt there was still some hope for us.

  I immediately called Jonathan and we decided that he’ll come over from Jerusalem for mom’s surgery.

  “Listen, we’re about to go through some difficult times. Mom is nervous and dad is working, we have to figure out how he can keep going to work and not lose his job. We’ll have to help more.”

  “Of course, but I’m studying and I’m in Jerusalem. It’s a bit harder for me to come over. Now I have my exam period, so I’m more flexible, but later, I’ll be very busy again.” He sounded tired. It was 9:30 A.M. but he wasn’t a morning person.

  “I’ll talk to Gabi and see how we can work things out. In any case, let’s agree that I’ll share with you everything he tells me, and vice versa. I don’t want us to miss anything. We can decide together what we’ll tell Tommy, deal?”

  “Deal. OK, I’m going back to bed. We’ll talk.”

  Anna, who sat quietly and pretended to read something, stood up and sat in front of me. “Do you need help with anything?”

  “Thanks, but I think I got it figured out. I won�
�t be here on Sunday. We’ll see what happens after that.”

  Alice also offered to help and asked about my mom. I thanked her over and over again, because I felt that thanks to her we’ve earned some more ‘mom time.’

  I decided to leave early and spend some time with the kids. After all, I was about to have some busy days at work and with mom.

  I went to pick up Adam from daycare and the second teacher, Rebecca, greeted me with a smile, “Hi mom. I see that a congratulations is in order,” she smiled and pointed at my bump. “Adam’s in the yard, I’ll go get him.” She put down the broom she was holding and went outside.

  When I walked in, I hugged Adam and told Rebecca how much he loved her and Lina.

  “We love him too. I keep telling Lina how clever he is. He told me today about all the things he builds with his playmobil.” I saw how proud she looked.

  “He really is smart. Ok, I have to make it on time for my daughter’s daycare. Thanks for everything.”

  “Bye Adam’s mom.” I wonder when I’ll get used to that title. When I heard the word ‘mom’ I still thought of my own mother.

  Chapter 35

  Mom’s concerns dissolved when she found out the surgery would be under general anesthesia. She was scared that she might have to stay conscious during the surgery and it kept her up all night. We were there at 6:30 A.M., because we were told they would take her in at 7.

  I smiled at her when the orderly took her to the surgery room and we all went to the waiting room. Eric and Grandpa Yokannan came to keep Gabi company, while Jonathan and I had breakfast at a mall nearby. We decided that Tommy shouldn’t take days off for the time being.

  When we came back, the waiting room was crowded and smelled bad. Everyone stood by a socket to charge their phone. There’s nothing like stuffing dozens of people into a window-less room. It was a good thing people noticed my baby bump, so someone gave me their seat. After a few stressful hours the surgeon came into the waiting room.